We say goodbye to 2008 and see in 2009 with more than a little trepidation.

What with a global economic meltdown of unprecedented proportions, inflation, umeployment, political turmoil, our 4th prime minister in a year, more war in the Middle East, what do we have to look forward to?

How about a new years eve nightclub fire?

Yes, it’s never over in the “This is Thailand” section of the paper clipping service. Just when you thought you’d rolled your eyes and smacked your forehead one too many times over a TIT episode saying “Not again!” along comes an incident to remind you that no matter how many red Ferrarris jam the lots of the Thong Lor Starbucks on a Sunday morning and no matter how many manicured ‘laydees’ prowl the glassy halls of Siam Paragon in pursuit of the ultimate D&G clutch, this country is just 100 Baht away from being a dysfunctional Third World somtam-khao-niew-gai-yang-democrasee…

Let’s put it this way. One Hundred Baht is all you’ll really need in your wallet when it comes time to grease the palm of the cop who pulls you over for a chit-chat roadside. Driving in the wrong lane? Here’s a red note. Not wearing a seat belt? Here’s a red note.

Oh, wait a minute, what about if I didn’t pay you and just took the ticket? Would you give me one? Can you give me one?

Maybe not. I mean. What if your friendly neighborhood fuzz isn’t actually ‘on duty’ that day? What if (gasp!) he’s moonlighting in his tight brown uni and actually wants a bit of satang for a night out with the boys later? Who’se to say? Turns out, quite a few of our helmeted protectors like to play citizen cop ‘on the side’. Ticket Shmicket! Just hand over the moola.

But I digress.

Actually, those ‘hard-working’ fellas are the least agregious bunch of the group known as the ‘scratch-the-surface-find-a-crooked-government-employee’ union.

Waking up on New Years Day and reading of the nightclub fire, once more it’s a smack the forehead moment. It’s TIT in all its glory, and along with it, a retinue of folks who lead the aforesaid union (and execute its twisted ‘rules’).

That huge black box like structure calling itself Santika was less a clubbing paradise and more an inflammable mosh pit. Yet, despite operating illegally for years, having no apparent license, no sprinkler system, no fire exits, no signage and, what the hell, lets just throw in no insurance to boot (!), the owners were able to operate for years without a whisper from the so-called LAW. They even went so far as to throw a good bye, we’re closing down on New Year’s Eve party (pyrotechnics! sounds awesome! especially if we have no insurance! yes! most assuredly!)

Hey. A nightclub fire is a helluva way to close down a venue (that’s some goodbye party!)

Now we hear senior coppers going , ho hum, must have been a mistake on some punters part, what with bringing in fireworks and what have you.

Meanwhile… how much silver crossed palms to keep this deathtrap in business? And whose palms burned? Ahhhh….

TIT. This being the One Hundred Baht question. Too bad no one’s lining up to ask and answer…

Oh yeah. The more things change and all that.

Some resoultions for 2009.

Stay out of deathtraps, firetrap, flytraps.

Carry a few 100 Baht notes on you when driving.

Or be daring and ask for a real ticket. It’s a fun new game!

Always keep your hands free for indicating, waving, wai-ing and forehead smacking.

It’s 1am and you’re getting those ominous rumbles indicating that you’re in need of some carbs desperately.

Why are you up at 1am and Still Hungry???

Either you’ve been working your butt off toiling into the night, skipped dinner and now you seriously need rocket fuel OR you just came stumbling out of a club/bar and are so wasted all you can think is ‘Get me a plate of greasy food, I got me the drunk munchies’

On the other hand, you could just be a person with a fast metabolism who needs to eat every 3 hours…hmmmmm…so why are you wearing those stretchy pants???

Anyway, lucky for you Bangkok is the city that never sleeps and always EATS.

Besides the crappy 7-Elevens which offer all manner of junk food and packet items of **not sure what** (“air + chemicals + food coloring”) you could actually have your pick of any number of all-night dining venues, from the street-side noodle vendor to the dark, dingy, dive replete with sad drunks and old crones!

You can’t beat Thai food for late night munchies

Sukhumvit 38: Walk to this little corner and find Thai food vendors making yam woon sen, somtam, satay, kuay tiew, khao phat, khao man gai, khao muu krop, and all the good stuff. For dessert fans the mango-sticky rice guy is there too.

Con: These guys have been herded down the street and it’s not as big a food market as it used to be.

Pro: Its still there and only two steps from Thong Lor BTS.

Sukhumvit 33: There are quite a few vendors there outside the Family Mart, stir frying, noodling, the rest of it. Just grab a rickety plastic stool and sit at the metal table next to the motorcycle taxi guys. Oh yeah, just watch out for the RATS, who will be having a fun old time of it scurrying around your feet…

Nana: This soi has late night eats for all those hard-working North-Eastern Gals and their strapping beaus. Also a safe bet for Middle Eastern, Indian, Pakistani and even Uzbeki and African food.

Pop into Sukhumvit Plaza (a.k.a “Korean-town”) right beside Sukhumvit 12 and you can stuff your face with Korean BBQ, bibimbap, kimpab and toppogi til late. Food is served with kimchi, so watch out for the ‘after-burn’ (from both ends).

Cons: Be prepared to eat among a random group of late night owls including bar girls, bearded men in scarves, annoying junk sellers and assorted trans-gender party people.

Pros: It’s culturally interesting eating in Bangkok’s version of downtown Cairo/Addis Ababa/Beirut/Calcutta…

Foodland on Sukhumvit Soi 5: This late night/all night supermarket has a diner with bar stools upon which you can perch your lycra-clad bottom whilst slurping down a bowl of soup, attacking a full fry-up breakfast, tucking into a hamburger, guzzling a coke, nibbling a plate of fries, and all whilst also nuzzling your new best friend whose interest in you has risen with each new cocktail you order and pay for!

The rag-tag assortment of diners at Foodland is a never-ending source of amusement for those of us who like to study psychology, sociology, anthropology and, yes, sex-ed.  Who knew we could learn so much about the human condition while masticating a burger at 2am? It’s a wonderful CITY we live in…

Silom Rd:  All along the roadside from Silom Soi 2-4 and across the street too. Vendors making noodles and serving up pre-prepared Thai stir fires and curries congealing in metal trays under naked bulbs along with an array of seafood turning gray and rubbery in mushy beds of melted old ice… appetizing….!!

Con: Sometimes dodgy food = you won’t be getting anything but a plate of bacterium with a side of tapeworm if you aren’t careful.

Pro: You get to sit next to post-clubbing boy toys and interestingly-garbed highly-made-up people of indeterminate gender (in tight clothing!)

Japanese Food can be eaten into the wee hours of the dawn because all those robots Japanese salary-men work so ‘late’ every night!

Imoya: (2 branches: 3rd floor of Terminal building, Sukhumvit 24, next to Emporium, and on Sukhumvit 53) For very salty Japanese food to go with all that much-needed alcohol.

Kitchen Niigata (located between Sukhumvit 24 and 26) This old Japanese ‘kitchen’ is unpretentious and serves reasonably priced Japanese food. Think ‘cozy’ but you could also think ‘bit of a dive.’

Soi Fuji (Sukhumvit33/1): Bunch of noodle shops on this so-called “Little Japan” soi - Ramentei, Tan Tan Men, Min Min. And Japan Town or Little Tokyo (Thaniya Plaza)

If it’s REALLY LATE (hey, we got stuck at “weeerrrrkkkk” okaaaaaay???) and you find yourself with a growling tummy at 4am, have no fear. Just head to Subway Sandwich (open 24 hours, at Nana, and at Sukhumvit 33/1). Well, maybe you Should have Fear. The smell in this 24 hour joint is… erm…. Not **great**

SO don’t linger.

Their sandwiches (1 foot long!) are either pretty good, hit the spot and sink like a brick into your gut the way a proper truck sized wad of bread, gooey cheese, assorted limp veggies and pre-digested looking meat should, OR you’ll want to barf into your hands at the sight of the squidgy, doughy mass. It just depends on the level of your alcohol intake and whether or not your server is drunk also.

Just grab your foot-long wonder and eat it on the street or, even better, in the taxi on your way home, where, once you manage to stumble your way in, having twisted your house keys out of shape, you will pass out fully clothed and sleep the dreamless sleep of the weary but (perhaps) well-fed.

Write to us with all your BEST LATE NIGHT EATS IN BANGKOK

We want an update on where to go for a good 2am feed.…

Victory Monument, Siam Square, Khao San, Rama 4, Lard Prao …

We know it’s out there!